Family Guy - Joe's Mounds Bar

13 lines · 0:41 · 1280×720

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About this scene

Thirteen lines, two men, and a candy bar nobody has ever seen anyone eat. Quagmire takes seven of them working through genuine disbelief that a Mounds bar is a thing a person would choose — “So you walk into a store, you see the hundreds of options for candy and you choose a Mounds bar?” — and Joe takes six answering, flatly and without embarrassment, that yes, two or three a day for twenty-five years. None of the twelve handoffs overlap, so the whole pack is timing: every answer has to land in the pause the question leaves, and the joke dies if either voice pushes. At forty-one seconds it is the shortest pack in this batch, and the last line arrives after the diagnosis, not before it.

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14 lines

Every line in this pack

The full script, so you know what you are getting into before you press record.

00:03 Joe Want half a Mounds bar?
00:04 Quagmire What? Who eats a Moundsbar?
00:07 Joe I do
00:08 Quagmire My my whole life I don't think I've ever seen a single person eat a Mounds bar
00:11 Joe Well your about to see one now
00:13 Quagmire So you walk into a store, you see the hundreds of options for candy and you choose a Mounds bar
00:18 Joe Yuuup
00:19 Quagmire So what is it you like, the coconut, the chocolate?
00:21 Joe Yeah both those things
00:22 Quagmire How long you been eatin' them?
00:24 Joe Uhh i probably been having a Mounds bar 2 or 3 times a day for the last 25 years
00:28 Quagmire Geez no wonder you can't walk, you have total renal shutdown. Your kindeys are drowning in a stew of chocolate and coconut. Give me that!
00:39 Quagmire What are you doing?